IS SPANKING YOUR CHILD DISCIPLINE OR ABUSE?

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

Many people have different beliefs when it comes to the discipline of their child(ren). Some believe that spanking them is okay, while others disagree. I grew up in a household where your punishment depended on what you did. Sometimes, it was time out, sometimes it was a spanking. I'm not writing this to critize anyones choice of parenting styles. To each his own.

I believe in the same way I was raised. For example, if I talked back to my parents or any other adult, I got spanked. If I didn't do my homework as I was told, I was grounded. There is a fine balance that you have to keep when you decide to use any for of physical punishments with kids. For they are more frigile than adults, both physically and emotionally. If you're not careful, you can seriously hurt and traumatize a child by crossing that fine line.

I have seen countless times, in grocery stores, malls, etc.., a child who acts out of line and whose parent does abosolutely nothing. Whether it is for fear of reprisal or because they don't believe in spanking. On the other hand, I have seen just as many times, parents who are to quick to hit or shout and curse at their children for practically nothing. When I first had children, I swore that my kids would never be those kids and that I would never be those parents.

I believe that spanking is a good form of discipline as a last resort. We have tried different forms of discipline with our kids and found out that is does help keep their behavior in line. When we tried the "Nanny 911" style, our kids actually behaved worse. They were carefree about time outs and about getting rewarded for good behavior. It build tension and agression between my kids, because whoever didn't get the treat took it out on who did. It just didn't work for us. That's not to say it won't work for anyone else. Just not in this house lol. Since we started the "ladder" system, we rarely have to discipline our kids, they behave really well, and no longer fight like they did with the other way. They have become more polite, respectful, and better behaved. The ladder system for us is:

1st strike=a verbal correction

2nd strike=time out and a lecture

3rd strike=spanking

I've talked to several people, friends, and family and they all agree that this works really well in their households as well. So is spanking child abuse? No. There is a major difference between spanking and beating you kid. Common sense should tell you what that is. If you take a belt to a 2 year old, that is abuse. If you hit your child repeatedly for one mistake, that is abuse. If you're yelling and curse at them whether you hit them or not, that is child abuse. NO child should ever endure that. Now I'm sorry to say this, but if you're at a store and you're child won't listen and is out of control, you need to spank them. Or find some way to get them under control.

Out of control, wild, destructive behavior, especially when started young and is not corrected, is unhealthy for both the child and parent. It sets the tone for his or her life. They will be more likely to have trouble in school, with their peers, and out in the world in general. So I recommend, that you try different things to see what works with your kids. But, if you feel as though you're losing your temper, DO NOT spank them. That is when you are most likelu to cross the line and abuse them. Give yourself time to calm down and gather your senses than address the discipline with a level head. So I wish you all luck in finding your parenting style. Parenting is all about learning as you go, so don't get fustrated if the first thing doesn't work.

vote up vote downshare print flag

Was this Hub ...?

CommentsLoading...

Go to last comment

SAREJESS 3 years ago

Many millions of us grew up with spanking and no harm was done in fact it made us better people, people who know the bounders which we respect because of spanking

Mr Nice Level 1 Commenter 3 years ago

It worked on you but it might not work on your children or anyone else because every situation is different.

Here is what I think. Majority of children are well-behaved only few are real trouble makers or troubled. I believe it's not their fault because it is part of their personality growth & it is parents responsibility to guide them on the right path.

Problem is not the children alone, family environment plays a biggest role in children healthy growth. Also how much attention or the time they are getting from their parents too.

needful things 3 years ago

It is discipline just don;t over do it. Prevent your children from becoming soft.

no name 3 years ago

childern who are abused are scared to go home after school, they are not as social in school and not as active with other studens. and this behavior reflects on there school work.

LORI-ANN Hub Author 3 years ago

TO THE NO NAME...NOT ALL ABUSED CHILDREN WILL SHOW SIGNS OF ABUSE. MANY WILL ACTUALLY SUPPRESS THE EMOTIONAL DAMAGE AND HIDE THE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE OF ABUSE. WITH THESE CHILDREN THE ABUSE WILL INHIBIT THEM LATER IN LIFE WHEN THEY TRY TO FORM VARIOUS TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS. NOT ALL ARE SCRED TO GO HOME AND MOST WILL EVEN PROTECT THE ABUSER OUT OF LOVE AND SHAME. MANY WILL BLAME THEMSELVES RATHER THAN THE ABUSER. NOT EVERY CHILD WHO DOES POORLY IN SCHOOL IS BEING ABUSED AND IT WOULD BE WRONG TO SAY SO.

lissa 2 years ago

Hello. I made the biggest mistake of my life this year. my ten year old child cut school for two weeks straight and lied about it. All through her life I would put her on punishment only, but for some reason I was disappointed in her and I spanked her butt that day. . Two days later I had an CPS worker at my door.

Granpa Chuck 2 years ago

To Spank or Not to Spank will always be a contriversory. To make it criminal to not have the opinion to spank would be even more devastating to a parent's choice. Check out this additional info.http://www.nfpcar.org/eBook/Spanking.htm

cathinfrance Level 1 Commenter 2 years ago

Lori-Ann, I entirely agree. I'm British and the hysteria around this issue in Britain is nuts. (Like a lot of things in Britain these days.) (Which partly explains why I live in France.) The British 'authorities' are quite unable, or unwilling, to distinguish between a smack delivered by a loving parent as a last resort to a child who knows s/he is loved and a full-on violent assault by a deranged parent whose aim is to inflict serious damage. The thinking is so rigid and unsubtle that they can't see the qualitative difference between the two. It's as silly as saying a peck on the cheek from a maiden aunt is the same as an invasive sexual kiss from an old man. They're two totally different things in intent and effect!

Granpa Chuck 2 years ago

Lori-Ann,

Just happened to be searching and couldn't help but add just a few more Golly Gee Whiz info for your consideration. I live in California and we have an Assembly-woman who wanted to put a no spanking statute into effect. She tried twice to do it and was shot down both times. BTW, she is a single lady with no children...The agency are continually trying to make things black and white... Not an option when one is dealing with families... Also, currently in the statutes there are definitions of abuse.. And I do like your statement "They're two totally different things in intent and effect!"

mark 2 years ago

u need to spank your kid when words don't work.. but make it your last alternative.

AC 21 months ago

Time will tell if those children who are not spank are better than those people who lived before the anti-corporal punishment law is implemented.

This will be the beginning of the new era.

They will say that studies show that children who are not spanked are better than those who are spanked but scientific findings always change and I'm afraid that it will be too late when they will find out that they were wrong.

They will then say that the bible is wrong for saying that hitting a child with a rod(not beating a child) is allowed. Then there will come a time that reading the bible will be outlawed and they will order the burning of all copies of the bible for that is what is needed for a better world.

Satan always has his ways that look right in the eyes of men like the ANTI-CORPORAL PUNISHMENT LAW which is backed up by the studies made by people who we don't know if they are telling the truth or they are just Satan's angels masquerading as men of science that cares about us.

Always be on watch guys.

Jeff 21 months ago

My ex fiance doesn't just spank my son's bottom she slaps his mouth if he says a bad word and does it repeatedly, she also holds him down for time out's. If he does something wrong at all she spanks him is this wrong? I need help cause she won't let me see him either and has even told him to his face that I don't love him while i was there. is there something I can do?

Midnight Mama 15 months ago

Jeff, it's been 6 months since you posted and I hope that you come back and read this. What your ex is doing IS abuse! It's one thing to spank your child as a last resort, but to slap his mouth repeatedly, hold him down and tell him that you don't love him is cruel punishment and can cause self esteem issues. If you are not allowed to see him because she says so, and not the court system, then it is your responsibility as his father to intervene. You have rights as his father! He is in a volatile situation that needs your intervention. If this is truly how she is behaving, it important to document everything! Everything! This documentation will help you with the court system. It is also important to be that sense of normalcy for your son when you do interact with him. Just because you are not in his life doesn't mean your not allowed to tell him of disappointment in his behavior when he acts out. But it's important to be supportive and always, always tell him how much he is loved!! I suggest that you contact a lawyer so that you know your rights and so you have visitation or custody of your son. Hang in there, don't give up! His future depends on you!!